2008-01-04
life ain't fair
hey strangers,
so 2008 has started, how bizarre! i'm still working at crappy old navy but looking for a way out...quick. the good news is, I took my LSAT last month and actually did fairly well. Now, I just have to force myself to finish my stupid personal statements and get my applications in, then I'll feel like I can actually go to law school instead of just talking about it endlessly.
christmas was boring as usual, especially because i don't even get a break from work. it was the first december in my whole life that I didn't have finals, so that was a little weird. Hopefully i'll have finals again in a year, haha. I'll probably regret saying that!
Well I'm sure you can guess what one of my resolutions is: stop puking. So far, not much progress. I'm starting to hate myself for it, and I think it makes me look so bad (bloodshot eyes, red around my mouth), but that hatred just adds to my frustration with food and the cycle continues. I still have no idea how much I weigh, though. Ever since this started I've stayed away from the scale, I am just too terrified. I should face up to it someday soon, but I'm scared that it will just make things even worse/make me even more depressed. All I know is my pants are somewhat looser but that doesn't mean much.
Anyway, so about life not being fair...there is a girl I work with, actually I've known her for years and we talk a lot. But she makes the stupidest decisions, parties every night, drives around with weed in her car, has been in jail, drops out of college, gets back together with an ex that got another girl pregnant (but thankfully they broke up again)..just stuff that makes me shake my head you know? Well, said ex is an NFL player who felt so bad about the whole situation that he bought her a condo, completely paid for, so now she is living rent-free in a sweet downtown brand-new condo. My jaw dropped when she told me this, it is so lucky. I am stuffed up in my parents house barely paying the phone/car bills because my stupid retail job is cutting hours. I just feel like I work so hard and try my best at everything, and I am stuck in the not-so-desirable situation. She just floats through life and lands some awesome luck. I know I'm better off than most, and someday I'm sure I'll get what I've worked for. Venting just helps...
One of my resolutions is to keep writing in here, for reals :) Venting helps, and heaven knows Scott doesn't always want to hear it.
happy new year all!
missaru at 2:24 a.m.